Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
