last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
