evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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