do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
