so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
