yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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