After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
