Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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