your room smells of hookers.
And success
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
