Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
