Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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