Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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