K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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