Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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