So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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