So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
