I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
