my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
