She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
