Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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