I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
