just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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