It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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