haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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