I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
not ubering you a puppy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
