SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
