We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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