okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
