you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
