it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
