I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
