I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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