Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
