I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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