I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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