After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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