My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
