we made out on top of his cat.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
