its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There r osticjed everywhere
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
