Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So much rum. So many feels.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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