I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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