Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
