The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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