Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize