You work out of a Hotel?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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