tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
