there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize