I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
