It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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