i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
