i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
