he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
