I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
