My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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