Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
