Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
