I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
