wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
