Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I touched a dick in church today
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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