brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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