we have pet lesbian snakes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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