He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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