I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
