saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
