don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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