i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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