Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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