I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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