I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
