she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up under a house in Key West
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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