There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
