GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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