He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
