How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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