my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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