Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
