you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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