Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
