I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
