Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
