I hate your face
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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