she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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