just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
