I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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