you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
