i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
