Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
