the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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