I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
