you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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