It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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