If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
