she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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