I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
