Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
