I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize