yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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