that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
