I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
